My Sunshine through the Rain

Imagine a toxic waste dump. That is the best way to describe what I feel like all day, every day for a month when I suffer from a flare up. That's what the doctor’s call that painful time period when my Crohn's Disease comes out of remission. I am 21 and a senior in college. I have had the symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis/ Crohn's for a year and a half. Crohn's Disease is a "chronic inflammatory disease of the intestines. It primarily causes ulcerations (breaks in the lining) of the small and large intestines, but can affect the digestive system anywhere from the mouth to the anus." http://www.medicinenet.com/crohns_disease/article.htm#what There is no cure.

Since then, I have been in and out of the hospital four times, had three colonoscopies, had one Barium X-Ray, and had four months of flare ups. I do not tell you this so I can get your sympathy; I tell you this because it is important background information for the important part of this blog. The "sunshine through the rain" part.

To gain credibility, I feel it is necessary to discuss with you to some extent my pain. I do this because through my pain, I have learned so much as an individual. When I have a flare up I suffer with extreme fatigue, dehydration, abdominal pain, rectal bleeding, hemorrhoids, loss of appetite, weight loss, and I just feel like a big pile of crap. You go to the bathroom constantly and it is so painful I can't even explain. (You probably don't want me to) Usually the only way to find some relief is to lie in a bathtub or just let the hot shower water run over my abdomen.

These times can be very lonely for me. No one around me really knows how I feel or what I am going through. These are my "self growing" moments. These are the moments when I am so glad I have a relationship with the Lord. Through him I have the strength to get through one minute, one hour, and one day at a time. I have hope that the painful moments I go through will pass, and I will get better again. I have learned patience and my faith in the Lord has been strengthened. I may not understand why I have to carry this cross, but this is my suffering here on Earth. I feel that if Job can suffer through losing everything he owned, loved, and ever knew and still praised the Lord then so can I.

I leave you with this thought. Everyday is a blessing. You choose what your attitude is going to be. I challenge you to focus on the blessing of your life rather than focus on the dampness of the rain drops. For me, my blessings are my family, boyfriend, friends, and RA staff who are so supportive, understanding, and encouraging to me. Despite the occasional accidents in my pants they still love me and laugh with me! They are my sunshine!