God's Will?

After trying 3 different types of treatments and trying to wean off steroids only to still suffer in pain, one begins to wonder when will the healing begin? It can be so discouraging and frustrating when you hope this next treatment or this next pill will be the one to relieve you of the pain, but instead you find yourself still suffering. Looking at those around you enjoy the simple things in life like a nice steak, running a 5K without wearing a diaper, or having the energy to make dinner, you can begin to feel angry with your situation.

Once again you find yourself trying to stay positive, telling yourself "choose your attitude," "It can always be worse; you could be in a wheel chair or homeless," and "be faithful, the Lord will provide." It is just tiring when time and time again your faithfulness seems to be unrewarded. You just want to normal, to be healed! You cry out to the Lord, please remove this pain, please heal me!!!

Then it hits you like a pie in the face! Maybe it is not God's will for you to be healed! What??!!! While here on this Earth, it is your task to suffer so that you can help those who suffer. Healing comes when you finally go HOME! Home, where you belong with your Father in Heaven!!

OH HOW I LONG FOR THE DAY WHEN I CAN BE HOME.

Until that day, I will suffer if that is the Lord's will. I will bear this cross he has asked me to carry. I know he will never give me more than I can handle, and I know he will always get me through the lonely, painful night. How do I know? He has proven himself over and over to me. Though I suffer in pain, he is always there giving me the "strength to faithen me." Though I suffer, it has been through my suffering that I have been blessed! Blessed with a stronger and closer relationship with God. Blessed with the message of hope and faith to pass along to those in similar situations. Blessed to meet wonderful people and be able to tell them that it will be ok!

It may not be God's will for me to be healed, but I know I will continue to follow him. I will hold fast to his promises and look forward to my day of ultimate healing! I am so excited for that day!

One of my favorite passages which I cling to:

The God of All Comfort

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. ⁶If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

⁸We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. ⁹Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

2 Corinthians 1: 3-11

Try Try Again

It just goes to show that if at first you try a new modern technique class and fail miserably that you should try again. Apprehensive, I went to my second dance class tonight. It was wonderful! There was a different teacher (they do teacher rotations) and she spoke my "dance language." (The way she spoke kind of reminded me of Anne Hathaway too...) I actually enjoyed dance again. I met the other girls in the class and everyone is so lovely. It was a beautiful evening, and I am so glad I decided to put my pride aside and give it another shot.

So once again God has used my unpleasant situation for the good because I got out of his way and let him do his thing. I can use my talents to praise his name!

Jeremiah 31:13
Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

Another Lesson Learned

So today was another learning experience for me, not to mention a humbling one as well. I finally got the opportunity to go to the modern technique class I have been wanting to go to all summer. I was so excited about going and getting back into dance again. Plus, it has just been a stressful week and dance is my outlet that usually makes me feel better when everything in my life sucks. With my Crohn's I have not been able to have that outlet for about a year and a half.

I went to the class and in the beginning it was not so bad. We did different stretch combinations and a ton of crunches / pushups (I found I have little arm strength). I am a little out of shape in dance terms. My balance is not as good as it used to be and my technique is a little off. That is to be expected though when my muscles have basically been laying around for a year for lack of energy to move. After stretching came the dance combinations across the floor. It was like my mind and body were at opposite ends of the world. I could not get my mind to remember the combinations of moves and my body did the move half assed or just skipped the move completely. Let's just say it was quite the blow to the confidence. I am used to being on of the better dancers in the class not the worst, and I am used to actually enjoying dance. The instructor was moving through things too fast and a lot of these moves were new to me too. It was a frustrating experience. I knew going in that my body was not going to behave the same as it did in my "dancer's prime" but I didn't think it would be this bad.

So I left class feeling a little beat up. Not only do I have to struggle with my body image being totally distorted because of my medicine, I did not even enjoy something that I am very passionate about. It was a bitter sweet night for me.

On the way home I discussed this with God. I knew the devil's work was at hand, and he was trying to steal my joy. I was not wanting him to win this battle. So I cried it out, and I came to the conclusion that it's just going to take time to get back to where I once was. I have to keep trying and move on. Push through the crap. I may come out a little stinky, but I will be a little stronger in the end as well. I put on my praise music, and I praised the Lord in this unexpected circumstance. When I returned to my apartment I danced for him and for my enjoyment.

I'm going to keep dancing and I'm going to enjoy it dang it!

So the lessons in all of this for me is that 1) I am not always going to be the best 2) I have to work for everything I have or want to have 3) Nothing is ever easy 4) Continue to praise God in every circumstance, and with him I will prevail!

The Tracking System

http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/health/97775189.html?page=2&c=y

What an inspiration. I love to hear Crohnies not giving up on life and seeing the sunshine through the rain. This disease can really get you down, but its those that refuse to give up on living that continue to inspire me to do the same.

Speaking of seeing the sunshine through the rain, my life seems to be full of sunshine lately. I'm soaking up the sun as much as I can too!! I am just so blessed. I have a wonderful job where I work with wonderful people, I just got an '09 Malibu (his name is Marty), I got a free upgrade on my cell phone, I will be moving into my first apartment at the end of July, just bought my first mattress set (b/c I would have had nothing to sleep on otherwise), and my Crohn's has been in remission going on three weeks now!!! Everything seems to be coming together. I will say it again. I am so BLESSED!! PRAISE BE TO GOD!!

Having so much, I feel like something bad is going to happen. How can I deserve all these wonderful blessings, and I haven't even listed all of the blessings in my life even! I am reminded of a sermon my pastor preached on a month or so ago. He spoke about how some people think the life is full of peaks and valleys. Sometimes life is good and sometimes life is bad. He went on to talk about how someone viewed life's "ups and downs" as more like train tracks. The good and bad run side by side. Though you have good things happening in your life, you will have some not so good things happening in your life as well.

I found this concept to be interesting. I think there is a lot of merit to it as well. For me, I am blessed every day with wonderful blessings, but I have to live with Crohn's disease every day as well. So just as I have good in my life, I have bad too. The good news is that we can stay on the tracks because life is balanced by the parallelism. Maybe if we focus more on the blessings the negative side of the tracks won't seem so daunting, but just a part of life. Is any of this making sense or am I just speaking in circles. (haha speaking in circles when I'm talking about staying on track- No wonder my head hurts)

Though I may not always make sense, I hope you are able to find some sort of encouragement through this blog. After all that's what it is here for. Even if you gain it from making fun of my randomness, as long as you can smile at the end of the day and know that you are blessed, that's all that really matters.

God is so funny: Devotion for the day- "A Blessing in Disguise"

"Remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than receive."-Acts 20:35

[The story was about a woman who could not afford her $3.48 grocery bill as she only had $3.00. The woman in line behind her gave a dollar so the first woman could keep her eggs that she desperately needed. "What my new friend didn't realize was that at that moment, I was being blessed. I often think of that woman and wish she could know that although I helped her only momentarily, she permanently blessed me. She gave me the satisfaction of knowing that, even if only for a while, my giving can make a difference for others as Christ has made a difference for me." ] (The Upper Room)

Funny Photos

I found these on the Facebook group 1,000,000 People to Find a cure for Crohns Disease. If you want to join go to:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/1000000-People-to-Find-a-cure-for-Crohns-Disease/191820610977?filter=2

I thought they were funny. If you think about it, this disease is pretty funny. A disease that makes you poop! Come on...really??!! LOL!!

Finding the Humor

So I'm sitting on the toilet (go figure) at work and the stall next to me happens to be occupied as well. We seem to be having the same issues...if you catch my drift. (I hope you don't because it probably isn't very pleasant. ;) Anyway, she makes an awkward squishy fart sound, and then I return with a similar one only louder and a little longer. It is almost as if we are battling it out. I obviously win having Crohn's and being a pro at this type of bodily function. She finishes up as I continue. It’s as if she wishes to leave pretty hastily.

Alone again in my agony, I continue with what seems like a never ending conversation with God of why am "cursed/ blessed" with this disease? I have felt awful all day, and I am tired of being sick day in and day out. As I complain once again about my insufficient problems, a humorous thought pops into my head. Can it be? Can I find humor in this embarrassing and painful disease? (Well of course, I have a great sense of humor!)

If you think about it, it's probably more embarrassing for the person sitting in the stall next to me to listen to me go to the bathroom than it really is for me to actually have to go. Think of it as that spider is more afraid of you then you really should be of it. (I almost got attacked by one last night! No worries, I swept it up with my sweeper!) I don't know? Just sitting there and thinking that they are probably embarrassed, and I am totally beating them with these awesomely, disgusting squishy fart sounds is really kind of funny. Farts in general are funny...at least to me. That thought just kind of made me chuckle to myself a little. It might not be as funny to you as it was to me, but the next time you're dropping a deuce in a stall next to someone else try to put yourself in their...stall... ;) who knows, it might bring a chuckle to your already eventful bathroom experience.

Encouraging Words:

The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God's help be encouraged.

~ Psalm 69:32, NLT

Leaning on the everlasting arms

God loves me

I have a wonderful support system of family and friends

I will be graduating in two weeks

I have a job out of college

I have everything I need and then some

Trying to stay focused on the blessings!!

I wanted to complain but after receiving some text messages of support and refocusing on my many blessings I am starting to feel a little better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4ZyvA3UefY