Another Lesson Learned

So today was another learning experience for me, not to mention a humbling one as well. I finally got the opportunity to go to the modern technique class I have been wanting to go to all summer. I was so excited about going and getting back into dance again. Plus, it has just been a stressful week and dance is my outlet that usually makes me feel better when everything in my life sucks. With my Crohn's I have not been able to have that outlet for about a year and a half.

I went to the class and in the beginning it was not so bad. We did different stretch combinations and a ton of crunches / pushups (I found I have little arm strength). I am a little out of shape in dance terms. My balance is not as good as it used to be and my technique is a little off. That is to be expected though when my muscles have basically been laying around for a year for lack of energy to move. After stretching came the dance combinations across the floor. It was like my mind and body were at opposite ends of the world. I could not get my mind to remember the combinations of moves and my body did the move half assed or just skipped the move completely. Let's just say it was quite the blow to the confidence. I am used to being on of the better dancers in the class not the worst, and I am used to actually enjoying dance. The instructor was moving through things too fast and a lot of these moves were new to me too. It was a frustrating experience. I knew going in that my body was not going to behave the same as it did in my "dancer's prime" but I didn't think it would be this bad.

So I left class feeling a little beat up. Not only do I have to struggle with my body image being totally distorted because of my medicine, I did not even enjoy something that I am very passionate about. It was a bitter sweet night for me.

On the way home I discussed this with God. I knew the devil's work was at hand, and he was trying to steal my joy. I was not wanting him to win this battle. So I cried it out, and I came to the conclusion that it's just going to take time to get back to where I once was. I have to keep trying and move on. Push through the crap. I may come out a little stinky, but I will be a little stronger in the end as well. I put on my praise music, and I praised the Lord in this unexpected circumstance. When I returned to my apartment I danced for him and for my enjoyment.

I'm going to keep dancing and I'm going to enjoy it dang it!

So the lessons in all of this for me is that 1) I am not always going to be the best 2) I have to work for everything I have or want to have 3) Nothing is ever easy 4) Continue to praise God in every circumstance, and with him I will prevail!