Wondering Why??

So I have been feeling really good for the majority of this year, but all of a sudden things are beginning to change. Why? I don't understand. Why are my symptoms coming back? Why has it taken so long to get my new treatment in place? Why has no one called me to set up an appointment to start my treatment? Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why do I worry so much? Why do I have a disease that gets worse when I worry so much? It does not make sense.

The sermon on Sunday was about not having fear. The scripture read referenced the story of Jesus sleeping on a boat, while the disciples feared for their lives in the raging storm. Jesus asked them after being woken up, "Why are you afraid?" Then with his mighty powers he calmed the sea. Matthew 8:27.

This put things into perspective for me because last week I had been worrying a lot about my future. You know, all the stuff that I can't control, but like to make myself sick thinking about it anyway. So I had decided to give it all to the Lord and let him take care of it. I was kind of hoping he would take away the storm, not let one brew. I know sometimes life just sucks and things just happen. God doesn't necessarily cause bad things to happen, but he may allow them to happen. I guess its some sort of character building test thing he likes me to gain from his allowances. But really God? Is this suppose to teach me to not have what I want? To not enjoy eating the foods I enjoy? Stop teasing me. I hate being "normal" one minute and then the next I have to put myself in a glass box and watch people have a "normal" life.

I know it probably sounds like I'm complaining. I may be a little bit. It is just depressing and discouraging when I have been feeling well and all of a sudden I am sick again...or on my way to being sick again. I am weary, and God I need you to carry my burden again. Wrap me in your arms and make me better again. Heal me please I cry out to you! I need your comfort and your strength. I can't do this alone. Please, Father let your will be done. Yours is the kingdom, power, and glory forever! Amen.