Subtle Reminders

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Today, God held me. He reminded me of his wondrous love and his never failing promises. Today, God reminded me he is hears my cries. He sees me. He knows me. Today was beautiful.

Today, I awoke with a heavy heart. I had finally been alone. I had finally been free to focus on the reality of my life; I have an incurable disease and my body rejects everything that is supposed to "help" it. As I laid in bed reminiscing over the past five years, the pain and memories I had tried so hard to suppress were creeping back into my mind. The moment I found out I had Crohn's Disease, the shingles, the anaphylactic shock, the accidents, the lonely painful nights, it was all there staring me in the face.

The alarm went off. As usual, I pulled myself together as I pulled myself out of bed. It was time to face another day. It was time to be strong, keep calm, and carry on. It was time for church.

I walked into church, found my pew near the front, and sat by myself. A woman I am close to asked me if I was ok. I explained that I was hanging in there and my medications were no longer working, but I am fine. I will be fine. Church began to start and another family moved in to the pew to sit next to me. We rolled through the announcements, greeting, a praise song, children's time, and now it was time to offer up prayer requests. As I stood up to ask for prayer for strength, hope, and healing, I broke. I didn't expect this and I didn't want to, but I couldn't hold back the pain and frustration any longer. I cried. I cried my way through a prayer request and sat back down in my pew. What happened next was beautiful.

As I cried, alone, I felt a hand on my back. It was the woman behind me offering a comforting rub on my back. Another woman sitting a few rows ahead of me came to me and hugged me. She understood. Another man, in the row ahead of me told me loved me and is praying for me. God was there. He was reminding me.

During another praise song, the man with the family sitting next to me held me as I cried. He offered to pray for me after church. I accepted.

Church went on and ended. Some more people came to me and held me as I cried and explained the heart break I was feeling. The hopelessness. The fear. They cried with me. God was there. He was reminding me.

After church, I met up with the man. He took me to the prayer room and told me he felt the presence of God during the praise song when I cried in his arms. He felt God calling him to pray for heeling over me. He told me God has asked him to do this over others and he told me their miraculous results. We prayed. We prayed with all our might and faith. We prayed for God's will to be done and for healing and comfort. God was there. He was reminding me.

God is real. He is alive. I know him. I feel him. He was here with me today. He was in every hug, every tear, and every comforting word. Today, I was held by the arms of God. He was reminding me. He was reminding me that he loves me! He has not forgotten me and he sees my tears. He was reminding me that he does have plans for me and he will keep his promises. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will never turn his back on me. God loves me. Today, God was there. God was reminding me.

I don't know what my future holds.  What I do know, is God will be there every step of the way. I am not alone. I believe God has the power to heal me, if that is his will. If his will is to use my suffering for his glory. I will follow his will. I have accepted that path and will take it where ever it leads. In the end, I will be healed and God's glory will shine through me.  All I need to do is hold on to the Promises.

"Hold On to the Promises" by Santcus Real