Subtle Reminders

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Today, God held me. He reminded me of his wondrous love and his never failing promises. Today, God reminded me he is hears my cries. He sees me. He knows me. Today was beautiful.

Today, I awoke with a heavy heart. I had finally been alone. I had finally been free to focus on the reality of my life; I have an incurable disease and my body rejects everything that is supposed to "help" it. As I laid in bed reminiscing over the past five years, the pain and memories I had tried so hard to suppress were creeping back into my mind. The moment I found out I had Crohn's Disease, the shingles, the anaphylactic shock, the accidents, the lonely painful nights, it was all there staring me in the face.

The alarm went off. As usual, I pulled myself together as I pulled myself out of bed. It was time to face another day. It was time to be strong, keep calm, and carry on. It was time for church.

I walked into church, found my pew near the front, and sat by myself. A woman I am close to asked me if I was ok. I explained that I was hanging in there and my medications were no longer working, but I am fine. I will be fine. Church began to start and another family moved in to the pew to sit next to me. We rolled through the announcements, greeting, a praise song, children's time, and now it was time to offer up prayer requests. As I stood up to ask for prayer for strength, hope, and healing, I broke. I didn't expect this and I didn't want to, but I couldn't hold back the pain and frustration any longer. I cried. I cried my way through a prayer request and sat back down in my pew. What happened next was beautiful.

As I cried, alone, I felt a hand on my back. It was the woman behind me offering a comforting rub on my back. Another woman sitting a few rows ahead of me came to me and hugged me. She understood. Another man, in the row ahead of me told me loved me and is praying for me. God was there. He was reminding me.

During another praise song, the man with the family sitting next to me held me as I cried. He offered to pray for me after church. I accepted.

Church went on and ended. Some more people came to me and held me as I cried and explained the heart break I was feeling. The hopelessness. The fear. They cried with me. God was there. He was reminding me.

After church, I met up with the man. He took me to the prayer room and told me he felt the presence of God during the praise song when I cried in his arms. He felt God calling him to pray for heeling over me. He told me God has asked him to do this over others and he told me their miraculous results. We prayed. We prayed with all our might and faith. We prayed for God's will to be done and for healing and comfort. God was there. He was reminding me.

God is real. He is alive. I know him. I feel him. He was here with me today. He was in every hug, every tear, and every comforting word. Today, I was held by the arms of God. He was reminding me. He was reminding me that he loves me! He has not forgotten me and he sees my tears. He was reminding me that he does have plans for me and he will keep his promises. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will never turn his back on me. God loves me. Today, God was there. God was reminding me.

I don't know what my future holds.  What I do know, is God will be there every step of the way. I am not alone. I believe God has the power to heal me, if that is his will. If his will is to use my suffering for his glory. I will follow his will. I have accepted that path and will take it where ever it leads. In the end, I will be healed and God's glory will shine through me.  All I need to do is hold on to the Promises.

"Hold On to the Promises" by Santcus Real

Surviving Crohn's 101: A Survival Guide for New Crohnies

This topic is inspired but the unfortunate news of yet another friend being diagnosed with Crohn's disease,  Oh how I'm sick of receiving news about Crohn's, but that's another blog for another day.

If I could go back to my 20 year old self and provide advice for how to get through the suffering that is about to unfold, this is what I would say.

1.  Express emotion. 

When you find out you have just been diagnosed with Crohn's, it's ok to be emotional.  This is one of those times you don't have to be tough.  Those times will come, but for now let it out.  Don't let someone tell you that "It's just the Prednisone making you emotional."  NO!! Your life has just changed forever!!!  Cry, throw ice at a tree, go running, journal, etc.  Find a release for your emotion and let it out.  *Please note that I am suggesting you find a healthy outlit.

2.  Accept your circumstances

Once you have come to terms with this life changing news, accept it.  Being in denial is not going to make you feel better.  It will only lead you to party of pity for oneself that includes you and oreos.  This ok for a day or two, but passed that, it's time to move on.  Acceptance can be accomplished by researching about the disease, reaching out to support groups, talking to others who have been there done that.  It helps to know what to expect and when you take charge you feel like you have some form of control back. 

3.  Learn to change

Your life will most likely never be the same again.  At least, it wasn't in my case.  If you have a mild case of Crohn's then Praise the Lord!! For you are blessed! 

If you are like me and everything is chronic and severe, then learn to change.  You will have to learn to learn to eat new foods or go without your favorite foods and like it whether you like it or not!  Low residue, glutten free, liquid, and lean diets will most likely be apart of your future.  *Note:  This is the time to be tough and suck it up.  It's for your own good. 

A variety of concontions or otherwise known as Western Medicine will be injected into your body like you are some chemo patient.  ***Be thankful you are not!!***  *Note:  Time to be tough.  You will take these as your doctor orders and you will go through a series  of  hopes and then failures until hopefully something works for you.  Unfortunately, I'm not fortunate in that area as nothing ever seems to work.  I pray you will have better success.  You will learn to take your medicine from a divided container marked with the beginning on each week day so you can remember to take all of your vitamine, supplements, pills, etc.  You will keep a calendar of your injections, if you have to have them.

You may also start tracking your eating habits and the effects they have on your bowl movements.  In my case it didn't matter.  I could drink water all day and still go the same amount as if I had just eaten a greesy pizza.  *I don't recommend eating a greesy pizza.  At least with the water there is less abdominal pain.

4.  Always know where the restrooms are

This is a vital step in surviving Crohn's.  It aleviates a certain amount of stress and if you can stay near them then that always helps too.  I found it helpful to always have an "Exit" plan for wherever I was.  Not saying I made it to the exit before my bowl movement made it to it's exit, but it helps to be prepared. 

5.  Diapers are not that bad

There may come a time when you have to lose your pride and summit to buying Depends.  As a 21 / 22 year old, wearing diapers was a huge gulp of pride.   Underwear was just getting to expensive and I was tired of throwing away my favorite pairs.  Besides no one can tell unless you tell them.  If anything they give an extra junk in the trunk to your flat hospital bed butt!  Diapers were great for long road trips when I couldn't even go 5 minutes without going.  They are easier to clean up when you have an accident and also prevent messes on car seats, your jeans, etc.  They take off the stress of accidentally going in your pants.  Once you get over the mindset of "I'm a 22 year old wearing diapers,"  they are not that bad.

6.  Count your blessings

Things can always be worse.  I find counting your blessings one of the most important steps to staying positive and motiviate to survive.  Focus on what you do have instead of what you don't have.  As bad as this may be, sometimes looking at someone's crappy circumstances can help you appreciate your crappy circumstance.  Here are a couple of blessings off the top of my head:  1.  You do not have cancer.  2.  You can survive Crohn's.  3.  You can have a "normal" life.  4.  Crohn's can be controlled with diets and medicince.  4.  You have supportive family and friends.  5.  You can still work.  6.  You have good health care. 

You get the picture.  Stay positive.  Romans 12:12 says:  "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer."  Three important truths to live by.

7.  Have Faith

This is probably my most important key to survival, but as I am trying to go in order by process, it is number 7. 

I don't know what I would do or how I would survive if I did not know God and have a personal relationship with him.  I cannot count the times that I have only had God to count on.  At 3:00am in a dorm room, on the toilet, who are you gonna call?  Ghost Busters?? I don't think so!!!  No one is really there for you.  You are alone.  You are week.  You are in pain.  All you can do is pray you make it through the night, and in that moment you know God is there and you will see the sun again.  I know God may not heal me, and I accept that, but knowing he is there and he has a plan for me through all of this does bring me comfort in my times of doubt.

James 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Without his promises, I don't know how I can have hope.  I think I would go into a deep depression and feel that all hope is lost, but with God "I can do all things for he strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13.

 8.  Take control

Don't Let Crohn's Control You!!  Make a decision to live your life as complete as you can.  I know there will be days when you are so exhausted you can barely get off the couch except to sprint to the bathroom.  Don't let this be your daily life.  Strive to be involved in life.  Do things with friends and family, even if it is for 30 mintues.  Try a light workout such as Yoga.  Just do something that makes you feel like yourself.  Don't lose yourself. 

9.  Use  this for the "Greater Good"

Use your disease to help others who are suffering.  There are not many perks that you can receive from this disease that are greater than helping another who is in pain.  Provide them comfort when they are scared of what is yet to be.  There is nothing greater than helping someone else get through their daily struggles.  It somehow makes all your suffering worth it, just to help that one person find some peace.     

 ^"Praise be to the God....The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."  2 Corinthians 3-5.

10.  Spread the word

Tell everyone about Crohn's.  This not only makes your life less stressful, but it also brings awareness and support for an incurable disease.  The more people know about what you are going through the less they judge and are confused.  The more accepting they are of your interupting bathroom breaks and the weird diets you are on.  It just helps to get the truth out there.  You feel better and people don't really care and usually love you anyway.  If they can't accept this part of who you now are, then they are morons and not worth your time. 

I hope this little Survival Guide can help you get started on your journey or help you understand what a love one may be going through a little bit better.  As always, I wish you good help and happiness.  God will be your sunshine through the rain.