It is raining! What a blessing and testimate that even through thunder storms many blessings are reaped. Currently, I am awake due to the acid reflux I am experiencing caused by being back on Prednisone. Instead of sleeping peacefully through the storm, I am enjoying the sights, smells, and sounds. It is cleansing. Though, I may be in a personal storm of my own, this storm is another physical representation of the promise God has spoken to me. The rain may come, lightning thrash, and thunder roll, but in the morning comes a new day. The sun will rise and fresh life will blossom. I am waiting as patiently as I can for my morning.
I realize it may not actually come in this lifetime, but in my eternal life. Until then, I am trying to take each day at a time. Focusing on the blessings each day brings me, I am pressing onward. It is difficult knowing that I may never have peace from my Crohn's hear on Earth, but I cannot let my fear of losing the battle keep me from fighting. I will fight, and I will come out victorious. I may lose the battle on Earth, but my heavenly victory will conqour all. Holding on to that, I press on. My hope is back! Without it, I am nothing.
Philippians 3:14
I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which
God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
(Video) Jesus Bring the Rain- Mercy Me
http://youtu.be/kseRKxkq5iY
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Four Square
Back at square one. At least that's how it feels. I have come so far in the past year only to have everything I was just beginning to enjoy again ripped away from me. It's terrifying.
Death does not scare me. In fact, I welcome it whenever it knocks on my door. It's not being able to live that is suffocating. Not being able to enjoy a dance class because of feeling fatigue, or a wine tasting weekend with great company because the dehydration never goes away. The fear of not being able to provide for my family or produce one that is excrutiating. It is the stress of knowing it can come back anytime or knowing that is has never really left, but is just in hybernation. It is trying to be strong and put on a positive front when inside every cell is screaming "FUCK YOU!!" It is exhausting.
I want to give up. To throw in the towel, but then that goes against everything I stand for. I absolutely hate, loathe with every fiber of my being what I am going through. Yet, I would do it all again to save someone from having to ever feel this way. To suffer for love.
Maybe, this is all about answered prayers. In fighting this new round, I am saving someone I love dearly from having to give up his flying dreams for a future. I did ask for that, did I not? Did I not pray to take on this burden to protect him? Or am I just telling myself another lie to force me to charge forward? It is unknown.
What is known, is that I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed, with feelings of frustration, agony, defeat, heartbreak, acid reflux, and of course roid rage.
Until the next sleepless morning...
Praise to the God of All Comfort
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
-2 Corinthians 1:3-7, New International Version (NIV)
Death does not scare me. In fact, I welcome it whenever it knocks on my door. It's not being able to live that is suffocating. Not being able to enjoy a dance class because of feeling fatigue, or a wine tasting weekend with great company because the dehydration never goes away. The fear of not being able to provide for my family or produce one that is excrutiating. It is the stress of knowing it can come back anytime or knowing that is has never really left, but is just in hybernation. It is trying to be strong and put on a positive front when inside every cell is screaming "FUCK YOU!!" It is exhausting.
I want to give up. To throw in the towel, but then that goes against everything I stand for. I absolutely hate, loathe with every fiber of my being what I am going through. Yet, I would do it all again to save someone from having to ever feel this way. To suffer for love.
Maybe, this is all about answered prayers. In fighting this new round, I am saving someone I love dearly from having to give up his flying dreams for a future. I did ask for that, did I not? Did I not pray to take on this burden to protect him? Or am I just telling myself another lie to force me to charge forward? It is unknown.
What is known, is that I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed, with feelings of frustration, agony, defeat, heartbreak, acid reflux, and of course roid rage.
Until the next sleepless morning...
Praise to the God of All Comfort
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
-2 Corinthians 1:3-7, New International Version (NIV)
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