**WARNING: This Blog is not for the light at heart or the queasy stomach!**
August 4th, I am scheduled to have my colon removed. This choice will lead me down a path where I will never ever have to endure the painful symptoms of Crohn's Disease. Its inflammatory puss will never again cause me to feel like I am being stabbed in the abdomen constantly. Never again, will I groan in agony as I bleed my own blood from places blood should never be exiting!
I will have the energy to stand at the vanity in the morning and do my hair and makeup. I will be able to eat all the glorious foods that chefs have ingeniously created for my tongue's pleasure and enjoyment. There will be a day when going out to eat with friends and family will no longer be a quizzical excursion as I weave through the maze of No-No's on the menu. The word "chocolate" will never again be included in the sentence, I am not allowed to eat that. Instead, the smell of a freshly opened package of Oreos will be ever so often enjoyed and the taste of the combination of ice cold 2% milk, chocolate, and Oreo filling will make love to my pallet. Oh the agony of not being able to enjoy chocolate will be no more!!
Wa, wa, waa (Debbie Downer ALERT!!)
That last paragraph sounded so good I wanted to eat it! Unfortunately, in order to achieve great things, one must sacrifice great things. For me, this sacrifice would be my colon.
One Large Intestine coming up! Ding!
Not only would I be killing off a much needed body part, but I would be gaining a stoma and a bag to go with my chocolate! ;) (inside joke) For the rest of my life, I would wear a colostomy bag, attached to a whole in my stomach, attached to my small intestine. (I get to keep that! Woot!) At first this would be Hell! The pain of surgery alone would be...well painful. Not to mention, the possibility of leaks of my own feces. May or may not be up there with shitting one's self. The joys of changing the colostomy bag every couple of days and cleaning the bag until you do change it 3 to 4 or more times a day.
Of course, once recovery sets in the pain will wear off. I will find the right style of colostomy bag and accessories (yes accessories are included!) that will limit the bag from leaking. Changing and cleaning the bag will become just as common as changing my clothes and cleaning my underwear. It will be a part of me and my life.
Sex won't be an issue because my husband will love me and my colostomy bag will be a little joke between us. Plus like I said, they have accessories for those intimate adventures.
All in all this doesn't sound so bad, right? But what if there was another way??? Could there really be hope out there for me after trying countless treatments??
There is another side to the coin. Dun Dun Dun! The plot thickens!!!
In less than a month, I have to decide between having surgery or choosing a life with restraints and discipline. This equals no CHOCOLATE!!! Oh the Horrors!!! Catching on to my dilemma??
For the last month and a half, I have been experimenting with this a specific carbohydrate diet (SCD) that supposedly can rid me of my symptoms of Crohn's Disease and restore my life. I could once again be filled with health and wellness. I could enjoy the opportunities God has placed before me instead of rotting away in another bathroom. No more thought of wearing a colostomy bag. All it takes is a lot of discipline, eating only healthy foods, and saying no to the beloved Chocolate and Oreo cookie....at least for a few years. Easier said than done!
The diet really isn't so bad once you say goodbye to those beloved foods that once brought comfort to your life. You get over watching people enjoy your mom's brownies and chocolate chip cookies. Every meal is planned out in order to ensure you don't eat an "illegal" food. No starch, sugar, milk, or chocolate. Dining out= I'll have an order of salad with no cheese, croutons, or dressing please. Leave the chicken on the side.
I can eat any fruit, vegetable, and meat that is not processed, canned, or has any additives. I can use honey to sweeten my food. Banana cake is a new favorite of mine and SCD legal monster cookies. So I do still get some form of a treat.
You must be thinking...what the hell are you thinking?? Choose the diet!! Eat healthy food and be healthy or eat what ever I want when I want and wear a colostomy bag. Duh go with the diet!!
That's kind of my thinking too. Except for the fact that I'm getting married in 9 months, and I could still be sick even I follow the diet fanatically. If I have the surgery it's like I'm instantly cured minus a month or two of recovery. The diet offers a lot of unknowns, forces patience, and could be just as painful as having surgery for a longer amount of recovery time. For a Crohn's patient, the diet could take up to two or three years to fully rid them of their symptoms. After your last symptom, you must stay on the diet for another year before even thinking of adding any "regular" foods back to your diet. Ugh what's a person to do??
If I knew the diet would work and I would feel better at the end of two years, I would not have this issue. It's scary when facing the unknown. I have plans that I want to see fulfilled and not hindered by my disease. I don't want to face postponing or simplifying my wedding because I'm sick. I want to enjoy these next nine months of engagement.
The problem is, I go see the doctor next week and I have been on the diet for a month and a half. I am on a lower dose of Prednisone (my best friend and worst enemy). I can tell the lower I go on dose, the more frequently I sprint to the bathroom. I am becoming more tired and losing my appetite. I really wanted to be improving not depleting. But then there is the question, maybe it takes more time to heal than I am allowing. I can't expect to feel great in a month and a half, and maybe I should just stay at a low dose for another month and then continue weaning off my meds again. So many unknowns!!
I feel like I need to know if the diet will work by August 4th or else! Talk about a stressful decision...oh wait I am!
I thought that writing this blog would lead me to my answer, but instead I'm left tired and just as confused as when I started.
Here is my decision: I'm going to stay at 10mg of Prednisone for another month. Try going back to the intro part of the diet to see if that helps with some of the symptoms. Reevaluate my situation and decide to have surgery or continue to postpone it.
Alright God, I'm stepping out in blind faith. Here goes the food processor...I mean here goes nothing.
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
